Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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