Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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