If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
