I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize