So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize