Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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