dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
