I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
this will be a night to untag.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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