Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
