did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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