Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
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as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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