Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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