I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
handjob tips. give me some.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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