If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
