PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I understand Curling. That high.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
