I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
