I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize