Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You're like the curious george of whores
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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