You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
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He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
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This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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