It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
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OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
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Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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