tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
