my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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