New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
