Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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