he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
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I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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