Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
