HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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