I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
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The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party