I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
handjob tips. give me some.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?