it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?