I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way