Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
