I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
