your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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