Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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