Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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