He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
