I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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