i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
