my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
