There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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