I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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