He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
