Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
