I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
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