Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
So here I am, sexting at work.
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