she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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