I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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