It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
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I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
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He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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