In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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