she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize