How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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