She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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